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Jokes
Oct 2, 2009 20:24:26 GMT
Post by +Mirage on Oct 2, 2009 20:24:26 GMT
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now older and wiser and looking for a girl with big tits. That made me laugh ;D Nice one mate...
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2009 21:19:08 GMT
Post by +Mirage on Oct 2, 2009 21:19:08 GMT
Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.
You've done very well so far,' said Chris Tarrant, 'but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?'
'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!
' 'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?'
A : Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo
I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin '. Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
'Fookin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple.......it's a cuckoo.'
'Are you sure?'
'I'm fookin sure.' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.'
'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris
'Dat it is, Sir.'
There was a long - long pause, and then Chris Tarrant screamed, 'Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!'
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?
'Because he lives in a fookin clock!'
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 7:37:14 GMT
Post by rinso on Oct 3, 2009 7:37:14 GMT
some good ones in here!! Keep 'em coming!
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 17:01:31 GMT
Post by +Mirage on Oct 3, 2009 17:01:31 GMT
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 17:10:22 GMT
Post by +Mirage on Oct 3, 2009 17:10:22 GMT
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 17:22:11 GMT
Post by karmakoma on Oct 3, 2009 17:22:11 GMT
Some really great jokes in here, nice Some of them I already new in a german version. What shows that humour is somewhat universal. Will try to translate some jokes later on.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 17:51:37 GMT
Post by rinso on Oct 3, 2009 17:51:37 GMT
lol cant beat a good old Blonde joke!!
karmakoma > post it in German, I (should) get it! lol
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:09:47 GMT
Post by karmakoma on Oct 3, 2009 18:09:47 GMT
lol cant beat a good old Blonde joke!! karmakoma > post it in German, I (should) get it! lol You speak/understand German?
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:13:05 GMT
Post by karmakoma on Oct 3, 2009 18:13:05 GMT
In England a teacher had been arrested. They found a pencil, a set square and a rule in his home. Reportedly he was part of the Al-Gebra-Network and possessed "weapons of math instruction". xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A small advertisement in a magazine for teenagers: Trade difficult-to-understand book about contraception for buggy!
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:22:13 GMT
Post by rinso on Oct 3, 2009 18:22:13 GMT
lol cant beat a good old Blonde joke!! karmakoma > post it in German, I (should) get it! lol You speak/understand German? Yep! Well, I used to, I'm probably very very rusty now. My sister lives over there though!
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:28:53 GMT
Post by karmakoma on Oct 3, 2009 18:28:53 GMT
Now one that is a bit nasty...:
Three vampires are meeting in a bar. The first one orders a glass of blood, drinks, sighs with pleasure and says: "There's nothing better than that." The second one follows suit, orders a glass of blood, drinks and is happy. After that the third one orders a glass of hot water. The two others are wondering what might be wrong with their friend: "Are you sick? Or on a diet?" But the third one just shakes his head and grins. He takes out a used tampon and says: "It's teatime gentlemen!"
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:30:02 GMT
Post by rinso on Oct 3, 2009 18:30:02 GMT
lol oh dear, you weren't kidding!!
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. "Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!" When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:30:20 GMT
Post by karmakoma on Oct 3, 2009 18:30:20 GMT
...My sister lives over there though! Oh, does she? And where if I may ask?
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:34:34 GMT
Post by rinso on Oct 3, 2009 18:34:34 GMT
...My sister lives over there though! Oh, does she? And where if I may ask? Just outside of Siegen!
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2009 18:37:25 GMT
Post by karmakoma on Oct 3, 2009 18:37:25 GMT
Ah well, I've got a sister living about an hour from there lol
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